On Sky Sports’ recent documentary England’s Foreign Legion, Charles Colville posed the question “What would have happened if Kevin Pietersen had been born in Peterborough instead of Pietermaritzburg?”

After in-depth research and the deployment of Peterborough Town CC scorer Mike Clarke’s extensive toolkit of statistical data and algorithms, @OfficialPTCC is now in a position to answer the question posed by Sky Sports.

Kevin Peterboroughson was born in Hinchingbrooke Hospital on 27th Jun 1980. He attended Oakdale Primary School in Stanground, close to the Woodston family home of his parents, Jan and Pennie.  Whilst in Year 6, having shown promise in PE lessons and the annual Kwik Cricket festival, he was selected for the Hunts & Peterborough Under 11s representative side under the stewardship of John Huggins, which was his first experience of 11-a-side hardball cricket.  KP performed reasonably but did not particularly distinguish himself with either bat or ball.

Having transferred to Deacon’s School for his secondary education, Peterboroughson was selected for the Under 15s team whilst still in Year 8.  A fine display of off-spin against Oundle School resulted in the opposition’s cricket master, John Wake, recommending that KP be considered for Northamptonshire’s age group teams.

Peterboroughson attended winter nets at the County Ground, Northampton but was disappointed when the coaches initially appeared to favour the left arm wrist-spin of David Outar for the Under 14s side the following summer.  However, the following year a series of impressive bowling performances for the Under 15 age group led to him being offered a place on the Northamptonshire CCC Academy under the tutelage of former England all-rounder David Capel.

Making his County Second XI debut in 1997 at the age of 16, KP exhibited the ability to get surprising turn at times, as well as unusual ball striking power for such a young player.  He was offered a retainer contract for the 1998 season and moved into digs near Wantage Road with county seamer Lesroy Weekes, an arrangement which initially disconcerted Jan and Pennie.

Peterboroughson kept his links with his home town, representing Peterborough Town CC in the Northants League Premier Division on Saturdays when not required by Northants.  He developed a reputation across the league as an explosive player, but the feeling persisted that his fondness for the legside would lead to him being unable to replicate his club success at first class level.

Northants continued to view KP primarily as a spin bowler, though the presence of Jason Brown, Michael Davies and Graeme Swann in their squad meant that there was minimal opportunity for Peterboroughson’s off breaks to develop further.  He played a couple of one-day games for the first XI in 2000, but from 2001 onwards the emergence of Monty Panesar pushed him further down the pecking order and by the end of the 2002 season Peterboroughson was playing second eleven cricket purely as a middle order batsman.

A month prior to the end of the season, KP reacted furiously to a Peterborough Evening Telegraph article headlined “Northants to axe Peterboroughson”, insisting that there was no truth in the story and that he was, in fact, circulating his availability to counties where his talents would be better received. Indeed, the player had long had a fraught relationship with Alan Swann, the PT’s long-time Cricket correspondent. Whilst Swann was a vocal supporter of KP in his late teenage years, it was widely believed that the cricketer never forgave the journalist for using his casting vote in the 2000 Peterborough Cricketer of the Year Awards decisively in favour of Charlotte Edwards, the England Womens batter from Ramsey (a decision which pushed Peterboroughson into third place, behind Tom Huggins).

However, the story was confirmed in late September 2002 when Northants quietly confirmed KP’s contract would not be renewed, thanking him for his efforts in the 5 seasons he had been on their staff.

In 2003, Peterboroughson signed for Cambridgeshire in the Minor Counties Championship to try and convince Northants that they had made a mistake in releasing him.  Whilst he only made single figures in his first three games, he scored a scintillating 143 against Bedfordshire, putting on 250 for the third wicket with Nigel Gadsby. However, he was dropped for the next game in initially mysterious circumstances.  It eventually emerged that he had been involved in an altercation with captain Simon Kellett as a result of refusing to take part in warm-ups on the third morning of the game.  Former Yorkshire batsman Kellett, no stranger to the tabloid press himself, was quoted by Andy Abbott of BBC Cambridgeshire as having said of KP: “There’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’, but there’s one in ‘idiot’.  Actually, there’s two.”

Peterboroughson never represented Cambridgeshire again, being confined to the Northants Prem with PTCC.  His performances in the period from 2004 onwards deteriorated, rarely reflecting the talent that many had perceived in his days at Northants.  KP made little secret of his distaste for the Bretton Gate wicket and the difficulties it posed for his expansive strokeplay.  However, a more objective observer of the local cricket scene, Northants Chronicle reporter Andrew Radd, felt that "a career average of 23.4 in the Northants League Premier Division really does little justice to someone of Peterboroughson’s ability".

It was widely felt that his relationship with PTCC captain Ajaz Akhtar was fraught to the point of breaking.  Although Akhtar never made any public comment, he was known to have been particularly unhappy when it emerged that KP had shouted “Altyd twee aan daardie arm” (“there’s always two on his arm”) to Desborough’s South African overseas player when Akhtar was fielding on the boundary during a Twenty20 fixture in 2005.

The final straw for Akhtar came towards the end of the 2007 Northants Prem season in a tight game at Finedon Dolben’s Avenue Road ground.  Ignoring his captain’s instructions to block out for a draw, Peterboroughson (in response to a taunt of “mind the church, KP” from slip fielder Jonathan Dunne) charged the leg spin of Andy Roberts and was stumped by several yards.

After this episode, a fuming Akhtar declared that Peterboroughson would not represent PTCC’s 1st XI for as long as he remained captain.

Pictured is a section of the hallowed Bretton Gate turf once trodden upon by Kevin Peterboroughson. Photo: The PTCC Photographic Archive Collection, curated by L. Manning.

Peterboroughson continued to make occasional appearances for PTCC at 2nd XI level and on Sundays, although his ability to create controversy was never far from the surface. He was severely reprimanded by club Chairman Brian Howard for kicking down the stumps at the bowlers end and referring to wicketkeeper Dave Lutton as “a moron” after Lutton failed to read the signal for his quicker ball and missed a stumping chance off Castor’s Rob Vitas in a Jaidka Cup quarter-final.

Peterboroughson’s final appearance for PTCC came in a 2011 Rutland League fixture at Market Overton.  After offending the tea ladies by describing the bread and butter pudding on offer in the interval as “f**king cack”, KP switched his stance and prepared to face the first ball of an over from Paul Thwaites left handed.  Thwaites said that he was not prepared to deliver the ball until the batsman reverted to a right handed stance, at which point Peterboroughson stated that he "wasn’t prepared to bat until the bowler lost 20 kgs from his belly” and left the pitch.  Despite attempts from stand-in PTCC captain Richard Kendall to defuse the situation, the Rutland League awarded the game to Market Overton and KP was expelled from PTCC.

Peterboroughson has subsequently taken up a position as bar manager at Peterborough nightspot Halo. Until recently he was to be seen regularly in the weights section of Esporta Thorpe Wood, but (along with his gym buddy Brian Makwana) was banned indefinitely by manager Mark Drake after walking into an aerobics class, picking out four female participants and pronouncing “You’re a 4, you’re a 3; you’re a 2, and I wouldn’t touch you with his c**k!”.

It is believed that Peterboroughson still owes current Cambridgeshire captain Paul McMahon £20 following an end of season night out in London in 2003.